Welcome to my world

Thursday, 21 April 2011 02:46 pm
narayume: (Journey)
None of my friends really know that I now have a Dreamwidth account, so this will really be more for me than for any one else. At least until I am ready to share. I am honestly mainly here, because livejournal is being such a pain at the moment thanks to the DoS attacks. I am not too sure if I will keep this journal going in the long run or not. I have a lot of memories, friends and communities over there and don't really relish the idea of starting back at zero.

This journal is mainly intended for journeys and achievements, although only time will tell where it will take me. I am very big on self improvement and honing my skills, no matter at what. I don't like standing still. My favourite games are those where I feel I can learn something or improve an ability while having fun. I am having a hard time keeping up sport, as it seems so purposeless. Sweating for the sake of sweating is something my brain has a hard time with. Plans are that I shall be buying myself a bike soon though and then my sweating will have a purpose - namely getting to university or from A to B. I like the idea of getting fitter, so I am looking forward to it. My life has turned into very much of a journey - a journey I am happy with though.

I used to know exactly what I wanted. I wanted to finish school well, so I could go to one of the elite universities and excel. This grand plan received its first bump when I went to the open day of a near by university with my school and wondered more per accident than anything else, into the lecture of the Japanese department. I walked out knowing that I wanted to study Japanese. After planning on a combination of Physics and/or Maths and/or Computing that was quite a leap. I combined Japanese with Computing, found the only university in the UK that taught the course and decided that I'd become a Computer game programmer. Later I refined that idea to becoming a specialist in artificial intelligence working in or out of the computer game industry. I got accepted by one of the countries leading universities for a Master in Artificial Intelligence and had from an outsider's perspective gotten quite close to my goal. Sadly, the only one who was not happy was me. I dropped out of that MSc after a break down in January of last year. The staff was surprised and a bit shocked, as I was a straight A student so far and they were not used to students like me dropping out, but retrospectively it was the right choice.

I spent the next half year trying to put my life back together and face the fact that I suffer from depression and don't enjoy programming. The first discovery should not have come as a surprise really, as I am the fourth generation of females suffering from depression in my family, however for someone who has always been exceeding self reliant it still came as a bit of a shock, although it also explained a lot. After a few bad experiences with doctors in my childhood, I did not trust them and to open up to that degree to a doctor seemed exceedingly horrible to me. Now I am glad I did, as my life with anti-depressants is slowly but surely improving. I've gotten quite far in a year.

Last autumn, I decided to do something I had wanted to do for a long time, but did not consider sensible when I first started university - study psychology. I am currently nearing the end of my conversation course into psychology and have a place on the Master's program in Psychology running next year. I am working with a brilliant professor who has specialized in neural networks and linguistics in my spare time. If I believed in god, I'd say I've been truly blessed.

Since that time I have felt that the world is full of opportunities though and full of paths that can be taken, journeys that can be experienced and those journey are exactly what I want to keep track off here.

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Tinuviel

November 2011

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