Thursday, 21 April 2011

Welcome to my world

Thursday, 21 April 2011 02:46 pm
narayume: (Journey)
None of my friends really know that I now have a Dreamwidth account, so this will really be more for me than for any one else. At least until I am ready to share. I am honestly mainly here, because livejournal is being such a pain at the moment thanks to the DoS attacks. I am not too sure if I will keep this journal going in the long run or not. I have a lot of memories, friends and communities over there and don't really relish the idea of starting back at zero.

This journal is mainly intended for journeys and achievements, although only time will tell where it will take me. I am very big on self improvement and honing my skills, no matter at what. I don't like standing still. My favourite games are those where I feel I can learn something or improve an ability while having fun. I am having a hard time keeping up sport, as it seems so purposeless. Sweating for the sake of sweating is something my brain has a hard time with. Plans are that I shall be buying myself a bike soon though and then my sweating will have a purpose - namely getting to university or from A to B. I like the idea of getting fitter, so I am looking forward to it. My life has turned into very much of a journey - a journey I am happy with though.

I used to know exactly what I wanted. I wanted to finish school well, so I could go to one of the elite universities and excel. This grand plan received its first bump when I went to the open day of a near by university with my school and wondered more per accident than anything else, into the lecture of the Japanese department. I walked out knowing that I wanted to study Japanese. After planning on a combination of Physics and/or Maths and/or Computing that was quite a leap. I combined Japanese with Computing, found the only university in the UK that taught the course and decided that I'd become a Computer game programmer. Later I refined that idea to becoming a specialist in artificial intelligence working in or out of the computer game industry. I got accepted by one of the countries leading universities for a Master in Artificial Intelligence and had from an outsider's perspective gotten quite close to my goal. Sadly, the only one who was not happy was me. I dropped out of that MSc after a break down in January of last year. The staff was surprised and a bit shocked, as I was a straight A student so far and they were not used to students like me dropping out, but retrospectively it was the right choice.

I spent the next half year trying to put my life back together and face the fact that I suffer from depression and don't enjoy programming. The first discovery should not have come as a surprise really, as I am the fourth generation of females suffering from depression in my family, however for someone who has always been exceeding self reliant it still came as a bit of a shock, although it also explained a lot. After a few bad experiences with doctors in my childhood, I did not trust them and to open up to that degree to a doctor seemed exceedingly horrible to me. Now I am glad I did, as my life with anti-depressants is slowly but surely improving. I've gotten quite far in a year.

Last autumn, I decided to do something I had wanted to do for a long time, but did not consider sensible when I first started university - study psychology. I am currently nearing the end of my conversation course into psychology and have a place on the Master's program in Psychology running next year. I am working with a brilliant professor who has specialized in neural networks and linguistics in my spare time. If I believed in god, I'd say I've been truly blessed.

Since that time I have felt that the world is full of opportunities though and full of paths that can be taken, journeys that can be experienced and those journey are exactly what I want to keep track off here.
narayume: (Default)
The journey to a healthy body: I am ill. A lot. I suffer from awful migraines and have done since my very early teens. I can't digest animal protein and quite a long list of other things. If there is a virus floating about, I assure you I will get it. Oh and I have low blood pressure, low blood sugar and am currently fighting with constant tiredness and lethargy. Obviously there is also my depression, which is also a constant battle, despite the medication.

I haven't given up though. I am always searching for things I can do, on top of taking all the pills and following the advice that my amazing doctors are giving me to improve matters. Sometimes I am more successful, sometimes I am less so. Sometimes I get frustrated, sometimes I feel successful. Under this topic there will also be The adventures of Narayume and the Bike, as you can follow me along my way of hopefully learning to bike again. I am sure there will be more, as I am hoping to write about my experiences with Kon Fu, Yoga, trying to build up my muscle mass again, healthy cooking and my beloved pole.

The journey to a healthy spirit: A combination of my own perfectionism and competitiveness as well as my depression, managed to crush most that there was of my spirit. Now I am working on getting it back. I am flirting with Buddhism and my original religion: Wicca, as I feel that my spiritually has gotten completely lost. I am not too sure how much I had in the first place and how much I need in my life, but I want to have the chance to find out. There will definitively be In the realm of the senses and tastiness, which will involve recipes and experience of a culinary delight kind, as I am a foody through and though. Kon Fu and Yoga might also feature, depending on if I ever find the mind cleansing effects that people talk off. Again, I am sure there shall be more, but I am sure the other topics will come to me as I write and time will tell which are worth writing about and which are not.

The explorations of the mind: I love learning and keeping learning up is something that keeps me happy. I will be writing about my attempts to get back into Japanese (Into the Dawn of cherry flowers), my discoveries in psychology and books I particularly enjoyed, as well as random musings. I hope the result will be worth reading. On the way to the Nobel Price will fit into here, in which I shall be writing off my working with the amazing Dr. Westermann and things that made me happy in the area of artificial intelligence.

The journey to find happiness: This will contain things that make me happy. Game reviews, camping stories, hobbies and all that makes me smile. It might seem silly that I need a journey for that, but as people who have suffered from depression are likely to know - finding happiness is not as easy as it might seem when you are dragging a massive black dog around with you.

The journey of Love: I am in a long term relationship. My amazing boyfriend Garry and I have been together for 5 1/2 years and we struggle with many issues that I am sure other couples struggle with too. Particularly my depression has done a lot of damage over the years and now we are repairing. I also feel that there is not enough written about the struggles of a long term relationship, as Disney wisely turns on the lights after the wedding kiss and summarizes the rest into "And they left happily ever after".

The journey into adulthood: Yes, with 24 I should be an adult. Really, I am still struggling with staying organised, cleaning, tidying and all the other boring things that we never thought about when the magical moment of "moving out" came.

The way of the Sun and Moon: This will contain my significantly less serious journey to becoming a good Boomchicken Moonkin or Balance spec druid. Yes, I am talking of World of Warcraft. Expect numbers, achievements, screenshots and general geekery.
narayume: (Default)
Getting a journal to look just so is surprisingly difficult. I've literally spent the afternoon doing just that. I've been through all the journal backgrounds several times. I've had three different ones, before I settled on this one. I've spent several hours finding just the right icons for my various themes. I feel sometimes my perfectionism really can go a bit too far. I am still waiting for lilsongbird over on LJ to finish my commission and then my final icons should be set.

...and then I went to have a look for communities. Originally I did not want to do that at all, but now that I am here I thought I'd have a look what all the fuss is about. After a lot of my LJ communities complaint that most of their members/friends of their members have gone off to join the "dark side" that is Dreamwidth, I somewhat expected this place to be teaming with people and the communities to be buzzing. Doesn't really look like they are at all to be honest. I couldn't find a single active World of Warcraft community, question community (I am already missing my question of the day) or community on Japan. Having said that, there are a LOT of fan fic communities. I am not big on fan fic, so sadly that isn't for me, but I can see how it would appeal to someone who enjoys fan fic. In turn I have joined quite a few prompt communities. Let's see if I can polish my writing a bit. I must say, there is a definitive freedom in writing for no one but oneself. I am not too sure what to put my writing under though. I only have two icon spaces left, which is only enough for my WoW icons. I don't really want to start buying icon spaces already, although I would not be surprised if it was needed at some point considering over on LJ I have over 100 icons and keep finding more.


narayume: (Default)

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